She joined a virtual travel site and found a community of people with common interests, including five (two in Australia, one in Ecuador, one in the Netherlands and one in New York) who’ve become treasured friends. About 4.2 million people 70 and older are similarly “homebound” - a figure that has risen dramatically in recent years, according to a study released in December 2021.ĭetermined to escape what she called “solitary confinement,” Leskin devoted time to writing a blog about aging and reaching out to readers who got in touch with her. Sometimes, the friend of a friend is the person who points you to an important resource in your community you wouldn’t otherwise know about.Īfter losing her group of friends, Leskin suffered several health setbacks - a mild stroke, heart failure and, recently, a nonmalignant brain tumor - that left her unable to leave the house most of the time. “Maybe you don’t know each other well or confide in each other,” Waldinger said, “but that person is providing practical help you really need.”Įven casual contacts - the person you chat with in the coffee shop or a cashier you see regularly at the local supermarket - “can give us a significant hit of well-being,” Waldinger said. Or, say, a woman from your neighborhood has volunteered to give you rides to the doctor. “That can be nourishing and stimulating,” Waldinger said. Say, for example, you’ve joined a gym and you enjoy the back-and-forth chatter among people you’ve met there. They’re also a source of social support, practical help, valuable information and ongoing engagement with the world around us.Īnd all these benefits remain possible - even when cherished family and friends pass on. Waldinger’s message of hope involves recognizing that relationships aren’t only about emotional closeness, though that’s important. That study, now in its 85th year, has shown that people with strong connections to family, friends and their communities are “happier, physically healthier, and live longer than people who are less well connected,” according to “ The Good Life: Lessons From the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness,” a new book describing its findings, co-written by Waldinger and Marc Schulz, the Harvard study’s associate director. Still, opportunities to create bonds with other people exist, and “it’s never too late to develop meaningful relationships,” said Robert Waldinger, a clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development. There’s no substitute for people who’ve known you a long time, who understand you deeply, who’ve been there for you reliably in times of need, and who give you a sense of being anchored in the world. It would be foolish to suggest these relationships can easily be replaced: They can’t. What can older adults who have lost their closest friends and family members do as they contemplate the future without them? If, as research has found, good relationships are essential to health and well-being in later life, what happens when connections forged over the years end? Margie died of sepsis after an infection. Elaine succumbed to injuries after a car crash. Within two years, Marlene died of cancer. Then, just before the COVID-19 pandemic struck, it was over. Although she met people easily, Leskin had always been something of a loner and her intense involvement with this group was something new. Leskin was different from the other women - unmarried, living alone, several years younger - but they welcomed her warmly, and she basked in the feeling of belonging. Friends sitting around a table, talking and laughing.Ī touch on the arm, as one of them leans over to make a confiding comment.Ī round of hugs before walking out the door.įor years, Carole Leskin, 78, enjoyed this close camaraderie with five women in Moorestown, New Jersey, a group that took classes together, gathered for lunch several times a week, celebrated holidays with one another and socialized frequently at their local synagogue.
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